Getting to identify a partner with narcissist personality

Getting to identify a partner with narcissist personality

Some people might find their twin soul early in life, but for some people, it can become a quest, and finally, when one does come across one’s twin soul, he or she might bring in a plethora of changes – some good and some bad.

Something similar happened with Stephanie (name changed), a veteran lawyer in her late thirties. Having spent most of her youth buried in piles of law books, she was convinced that she stood a bleak chance of finding her better half. However, this kind of meeting often happens at the most unexpected of places, like Stephanie who met her man Daniel at a grocery store. Stephanie couldn’t have been happier as Daniel was easygoing, an excellent cook with a great taste in music and would sometimes also help in household chores.

However, after a couple of weeks, Stephanie was introduced to an altogether new side of Daniel and even after loads of introspection, she failed to understand his new personality. He was a well-established businessman, enjoyed a healthy body, then why did he change all of a sudden, she wondered. Fortunately, Daniel had to travel for a week due to some professional commitments and during that time, Stephanie called over her close friend Rosie to stay with her. Stephanie shared everything with Rosie and when Rosie enlightened Stephanie that Daniel was a narcissist, it came as a rude shock to her. But she could not even dismiss what she said since Rosie was a licensed psychotherapist. Rosie declared Daniel to be a narcissist based on some major characteristics. Some of them were:

Pseudo-charming: Because of this trait, it is almost impossible for a person to visualize the new partner as a narcissist. Almost all narcissists are pseudo-charming in the initial phase of courtship. They are skilled at mesmerizing their partner with their sugarcoated words and excessively caring traits. However, it has nothing to do with their partner. Narcissists display this characteristic in the preliminary phase of a relationship because they want to get a sense of control over an individual. This happens because most of the narcissists had a childhood devoid of any love and full of indifference and hostility.

Inability to empathize: Narcissists are extremely selfish and obsessed with themselves. If their partner is in trouble, they can manage to sympathize for a while, however, fail to empathize or show compassion. This is because growing up with a narcissist parent can get traumatic as their needs and an urge to seek validation is often ignored or dismissed, which manifests in the form of extreme insecurity and a very low self-esteem. Over time, they develop a victim-like personality and strongly believe that they are above all.

Believing that they are always right: It is impossible for a narcissist to acknowledge that at times, he/she could also be wrong in a relationship. Narcissists have a tendency to refuse to take ownership for any of their actions going wrong and they are skilled at blaming their partners. In rarest of circumstances if they do apologize to their partner, they make a big deal about it and for days on end, they can go on and on about their magnanimity in apologizing.

Always lecturing or educating their partner: A narcissist has a constant urge to be in power and be controlling of their partner. For this, they keep on educating and admonishing their partner using phrases such as, “I told you not to do that, now see what happened,” or “If only you had listened to me, “etc. Over time, the partner becomes exceedingly dependent on the narcissist, feeding latter’s false sense of ego.

Road to recovery

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can get quite draining as over a period of time, one might lose his or her identity and operate under a narcissists spell. The moment one gets rebellious or refuses to comply with a narcissist’s commanding nature, things can get ugly and the other partner might develop acute mental agony. Therefore, it is inevitable to seek professional therapy to learn coping mechanisms to navigate through the relationship.

If you or your loved one is suffering from any form of mental distress, connect with the Florida Mental Health Helpline to know about the most appropriate mental disorder treatment in Florida. You can chat online or call us at our 24/7 helpline number 866-846-5588 to locate the best rehab centers in Florida offering therapeutic interventions.

Also read:

Tips for dating a mentally distressed person

Love Matters: Marriage and mental illness in sickness and in health

66 replies
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